Snow-covered white morning. Through the window of a clean single room, a frosted light shines through. Anton sits on the bed and tells the curly-haired young black-haired doctor his story. He is a little inhibited from drugs, often looks past the interlocutor. But he needs to talk, and he does so despite pauses and sighs. This was the most mysterious and exciting adventure. No, it was an explosion, a transformation, a revolution. She turned my life around. I almost interrupted her. My life was in her power. Anton met her in a University classroom. She taught second-year graduate students a course in modern Western philosophy. He had never been interested in philosophy; it had always seemed to him a second-class science. He came first for the sake of her melodious voice and to contemplate her strict profile. Then it was drawn into the object. Closer to the tests, I dared and asked for individual consultations. They began to stay in an empty classroom after classes. Her melodious voice took on an intimate tone in the dialogue, and the echoes of the empty hall accentuated it. He liked to listen to her, to smell her. And follow a clear and bold thought. Anna suggested that he write an essay on the subject of service in medieval philosophy. At meetings, they were immersed in the world of Dante, Meister Eckhart, Songs about the Nibelungs, the history of the Crusades. According to Anna's theory, the medieval passion ascent had a specific libidinal goal in its heart. The hero became a hero and performed feats, guided by the service of a Beautiful Lady. This metaphor was at the heart of all the medieval imperatives that drove noble men to conquer, intrigue, and achieve. And to death. It was this motive that determined asceticism, withdrawal from active social life in some and desperate military exploits in others. The more the consciousness of a medieval hero was enslaved by the image of his Beloved, the more his passion potential was realized. But it often led to the death of the hero. The break in Anna and Anton's relationship came after two weeks of their weekly seminars. The audience was busy that day, and Anna offered to study at her home. Anton's heart was pounding as they crossed the border of her apartment, her refuge. Everything here was filled with it. Every detail of her tastefully furnished home, the faint scent of her perfume, her clothes on the hall hanger, her books. Anton's head was spinning. Anna asked me to make tea. For the first time, she asked me to do something for her. In a sweet languor, I took out the cups, made the tea, and brought the tray into the room. We sat on the sofa and talked about the Parallels of the idea of service in Eastern philosophy. It seems that they discussed the Way of the samurai as a model of self-sacrifice. According to Anna, at the heart of any man's selflessness is the desire to be absorbed by the female part of his soul, the Anima. The conscious or unconscious attraction to Anime determines the self-sacrificing masculine behavior as it is. I listened, mesmerized. She was drawing a diagram of the selfless mode in a notebook. The handle fell to the floor at her feet, and I rushed to pick it up. When I lifted her, she moved her foot, and for a second my rough fingers touched hers. I held that touch for a second longer and gently kissed her finger. Anna said nothing, but her face was clearly flushed with pleasure. We continued as if nothing had happened. Since that memorable meeting, we have been meeting more and more often at her apartment under one pretext or another. Our subtle game was repeated. Each time Anna gave me some instructions, I noticed that she was happy to watch me perform them. And after performing innocent household tasks, I received a little encouragement – sometimes she casually touched me for a moment, then I jokingly kissed the fingers of her hand. I was getting more and more used to the idea of serving Anna. I was learning more about her. Anna was an only child, and her father left her and her mother early. Anna grew up a gifted girl-piano, mathematics, languages – everything came easily to her. At the age of 23, she had already completed her dissertation in philosophy. The subject was Michel Foucault. The defense was brilliant, her work was translated into English and French, and she gave a series of lectures on it at the Sorbonne. Anna is used to achieving everything herself. Don't depend on anyone. To finish her education, she gave private lessons-piano, German, and English. She didn't let anyone near her. Now 27, she looks completely self-sufficient. Perfect. Anna absorbed all my thoughts, and it was a deep passion. The attraction to her thoughts, image, personality, naturally developed into a crazy attraction to her femininity. I was haunted by erotic fantasies, and I was highly aroused by the mere thought of her. One day we went to her as usual. After a while, she got a call and left the apartment for an hour, asking me to wait. When the door closed behind her, I couldn't help myself and went to her bedroom. I was overcome with a sweet languor when I dared to open her closet. Thin dresses, trousers, blouses, everything contained her subtle fragrance. Listening to her heartbeat, I opened the drawer with her underwear with trembling fingers. Just the thought of those beautiful Lacy satin pieces of fabric touching her private parts gave me a sweet shock. First I looked at her panties and bras, then I started sorting through them. I had a crazy erection, probably never had one before. I got carried away with it, and when I turned around some time later, I saw Anna in the doorway. Anna later told me that when she caught me in the bedroom, she felt a great excitement and at the same time a desire to punish me. The impulse to punish me aroused her even more. She looked at me sternly, reproachful and disappointed. But her eyes flashed with a mad light, and she said, "on your knees." I got up on my knees. I think I crawled at her feet for a long time, begging for forgiveness. She scornfully called me a cheap fetishist, a pig, a naughty boy. Each of her curses brought me joy and a desire to lose myself in her desires. "Anything, just forgive me." That day I shined her shoes, cleaned the apartment, under her supervision. Finally, at the end of the day, she asked, perhaps as a reward, to sort out her underwear and load it into the machine. She watched me do it in wild excitement, blushed and sometimes looked carefully between my legs, at the raised mound of my penis. We had a glass of wine late at night, and she said, "Now you've exposed your libidinal impulses. This in itself is natural. But you are at a crossroads - either succumb to their bestial form and harass me like a cheap slut, or... Learn your true nature. Turn your crude male desires into a noble service to me. I admit that it is possible." I agreed to serve her. We continued to study different thinkers. When we were discussing psychoanalytic concepts, Anna struck me with this idea: "all Freudian mythology is the last Outpost of flawed male sexuality. If you approach the topic without obsessive cultural stereotypes, the notorious penis envy is a sociocultural myth. A man's sexuality is crude and primitive. Orgasm is short-lived and requires the body to recover from it. Women's sexuality is much more diverse and deep, and women's erotic experiences are more subtle, long-lasting, and intense. They are the crown of nature's creation. It is not the envy of the penis that actually exists, but the hidden envy of men for women's fruitful sexuality. In this sense, we women are the higher sex, and man's service to woman is biologically programmed." She added: "you have an amazing chance to become yourself, for I accept your service. I like you." Between intellectual pursuits, we played more and more sophisticated and varied games. She liked, after devotional can handle me numerous domestic tasks for example, tying my hands behind his stockings to his mouth I've stripped her, took off her tights and licking her legs, from top to bottom. For a long time, she kept me out of the inner sanctum. But one day it happened. She called it an Initiation. All right. By that time, she was used to playing with my penis, it amused her to touch it with her feet, RUB it with her small feet. She stood like a Goddess, and I lay completely at her mercy. In General, dissolving in her, in her will, in her desires – this was the source of the highest bliss of our meetings. That's what attracted her to me. That it was genuine, not a sham in the pursuit of thrills, but a vivid and natural experience to surrender to the will of a beautiful, perfect woman. She never brought me to orgasm, leaving a sweet field of incompleteness. So, on the day of the initiation, she tied my hands behind my back, stood over me, and first slowly lowered herself on my face. This bodily metaphor of my submission created an incredible erotic electricity in our couple. My face was pressed between her soft legs, and I breathed into her warm panties. She fidgeted a little on my face. This degree of obedience was clearly very much to her taste. I was engrossed in her scent, and I could feel the moisture of her secret place on my lips, behind a thin strip of silk. She suddenly stood up and pulled down her panties. The first time I saw her naked, I was truly dazzled. "Lick it," she ordered, crouching down. "Not so, fool. Stick your tongue out better." She began to RUB her private parts against my tongue. It was very delicious and blissfully pleasant. She loved it. She moved slowly, then intensely, smiling, laughing, moaning. Several times she pulled away, squeezing her thighs a little in a blissful moan. When I licked her from behind, already quite skillfully penetrating the tip of my tongue into the tender anus, she touched her fingers to my penis and I came violently for the first time. And the orgasm covered my entire body. The initiation was successful. It wasn't a practice she gave me every day. More often than not, she preferred to let me into the world of her refined philosophy and enjoyed running errands for me. In General, everything happened at our place at her request. I felt like her favorite Teddy bear, and this role suited me very well.